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If someone wrote a story about your life, would anyone read it? Everyone's got their own story. Tragedy, romance, comedy, drama, suspense, adventure. I wouldn't say that I'd classify mine under strictly one category, because life is made up of too many parts for mine to be considered just one classification. Most people get suckered into any drama they can find (reality tv anyone?), because it keeps things edgy. I don't really know that mine would have enough drama to keep anyone amused. But this is my life story, I am the author and narrator. I choose to keep it that way for a reason. Some people like creating drama, I'm not that guy. Never have been, never will be. But I've had my own little rip in the seams from time to time. Here's a few pieces to get the story rollin'.
Adventure. A good portion of my life story comes from these contents. My first adventure was my stint on the MMC. One that seems to be a common topic in a few of may past updates. I was just a scrawny little kid growing up in Bowie, MD. Until I had heard about the casting calls for this show. My first instinct was to go for it. I brought it up to Karen and Roy as soon as I knew, not only did I need them to get me there, but I needed their support as well. Approval is one thing, support is another. Both of them discussed it over night and decided to let me have a go at it. I wasn't sure if I was gonna get it. While I was confident with my singing and dancing skills, I wasn't confident enough to think I would be a shoo in. My life as I knew it consisted of football, school, and family. It wasn't til I found out that I got it that I realized that my life would be in for some serious changes. Subjecting myself to puberty on national TV isn't the easiest thing in the world. I had my feet dug in, I knew exactly that this is what I wanted to do with my life. After the MMC ended and each of us were sent on our separate ways, I chose to continue to explore the world of entertainment. Enter 'NSync, a small group of 5 guys that all had the same dream. To make it to the big time. After we got signed, it was a rollercoaster of a ride, with a long track that continued to take on drops and loops until someone decided they wanted off. Touring was rewarding but tough. People usually see the glamour involved, but it's not like that. It gets lonely and it gets crazy. People start to get on each others nerves from the time spent together, you begin to get impatient because you're so tired all you want to do is go home and sleep (or at least in my case), and you miss everyone you spent your time off with. On the same extreme, you have the fans who put you on this pedestal that you probably don't deserve to be put on to begin with, they forget to breathe with something as simple as catching sight of you. You have the work you helped to create, your words, your heart put out there for everyone to relate to. And you have the pride in knowing that you took part in one of the greatest things that ever happened to you in your life. Adventure? Damn right!
Drama. Again, there isn't much of this since I'm not a guy that attracts drama (or at least I try not to). With every drama story there's some sort of romance gone awry. I can't really put too much of that out there because it's too personal. Things fall apart, people say things they don't mean and poof! here comes trouble. It's happened to everyone. Friendships that should have been, weren't. Some of it's as simple as one party not putting any effort fourth, some of it's as complicated as knowing that person has caused personal pain in your past and you choose to keep the key to the lock. Dramatics come from every angle. Family, friends, relationships, business. A good chunk of my drama came from my business ties, with both producers and labels. And any other person out there in the industry can sympathize to a certain degree I'm sure, because with record labels comes a shit load of drama. Deadlines not met, not seeing money that you should be getting, not enough promotion, too much image and not enough creative outlet. You can't win no matter what wall you're backed against. When you sign, you're literally signing some of your life away. Because they have control over who you are, what you do, and how you get it out there. What you say becomes censored, the things you love have to be kept under wraps for fear the fans will cast stones your direction, the things you believe in don't matter anymore because it's their way or no way. The words you print on paper get tossed in the garbage can because they aren't willing to take the risk you know you can to make a good record. I've been through plenty of that and then some. But now that I've kinda put my music on the back burner, it's been a little more quiet, and to be honest I'm not so sure I mind that. When I'm ready, I'll get another chance. Right now? I'm enjoying my work behind the scenes.
Comedy. As serious of a person as I seem to come across, I can't stand to be too serious. Life is serious enough for everyone for me to continue to push any laughter away. As you can imagine with the load of crazy people I call my friends, that isn't so hard to find. MMC, a bunch of teenagers with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and saran wrap in the other? (Sorry Keri!) Did anyone really think they weren't gonna be the butt of one of my jokes at some point? Maybe that's why I got away with it so well, nobody really expected someone like me, mister serious, to replace the shampoo with a bottle of honey. With 'NSync, it was an entirely different story. It wasn't a bunch of hormonal teenagers...I take that back subtract Justin from that and I'm on point. Those times we had on the bus or in hotels, were beyond ridiculous. We were every mother's nightmare. 5 boys, one place, with time on their hands to find things to do? Who's idea was that anyway? Pillow farting, jello luggage, prank calls? Yeah, the typical stuff, and beyond that. I don't know that I've ever laughed so much in my life as I did with anyone else. I don't know why I seemed surprised to wake up to find drawings on my face when Chris was in the bunk right next to me. Now I'm on my own venture with my own comedienne. Can't tell you how much I love waking up to Mouse batting at my leg or face. Thanks babe. The way I see it is, if you're gonna live life, you're gonna fuck up on the way to the end, you might as well have a laugh or thousand along the way.
Tragedy. I've always been a firm believer in that in order to get those Kodak moments you want, you have to struggle first. Everyone has a dark side, some are better at keeping it concealed than others are. Tragedy is beyond drama. Tragedy is what makes your heart sink, it's the feeling deep down that you're alone. In a business built around loneliness, it's not hard to find it. The things you love most, lost. You find yourself in a dark hole, unable to climb out. Passive, and frustrated (sounds a lot like one of my old updates right?). When I was dropped from my label, living by myself right here in Los Angeles, with nobody to talk to that could really get where my head was. Depressed. Feeling as though I'd lost everything good in my life except my family, health, and wealth (not that it really matters to me but nobody wants to have to struggle to make a living right?). Then it happened. I lost one of my closest friends. Someone I'd known since I was 5. Drug overdose. Someone who loved life so much and lost it over simple carelessness. I lost sight of who I was and where I was going. I didn't know if I'd ever find myself again. I felt robbed. Robbed from a career I gave my heart to, robbed from a love I'd never known, and robbed from a person who had such solid impact on my life. It took me a while to come out of it, but once I snapped to and realized how selfish I was being. How much I focused on the majority of things that could be fixed, and how little I focused on the greatest things in my life that surrounded me. I knew life wasn't anywhere half as bad as I had pictured it. Here I had the most supportive people surrounding me, and I was ignoring them. Casting them aside at my own self absorbed thoughts of how miserable I thought my life was. As much as I'd hate to admit it, my own self pity made me a stronger person and brought on a deeper appreciation of everything I do have. Not all of life is a complete loss, people forget that so quickly.
Romance. Everyone's enchanted by a storybook romance. The classic Cinderella gets her prince type. Wishing for it to be brought to life. It isn't til we're all old enough to begin to put our hearts out there for the taking that we learn so quickly that this particular story doesn't hold much truth to it. Finding that first love, the one you think will never let you go. Only to find that it doesn't work that way. Things can't work. Things won't work. As you're left behind heartbroken for someone else to come pick up the pieces. My story's a little different. I had always preferred to keep my options open. Rather than handing my heart to someone else, I kept it in my hand, allowing just enough room for them to hold the other half. I've always allowed my line of work to be a typical excuse as to why I wouldn't stay with one woman for too long. When the truth of it is, as much heart as I put into my work. I hadn't allowed myself to fully love someone for fear of getting hurt. Jumping from one woman to another, as much as it might sound like every man's dream, is quite far from it. Every man, no matter how much of a commitment phobe they might be, wants to find a woman they can give their heart to. Someone they can enjoy their time with, someone who will compliment them in all the right ways. Someone, they can lay with on a sunny Sunday afternoon and just talk to all day long. I've been without that for so long, I didn't know if it would be possible to find it, ever. Then I met her. I'm not gonna write our story here, because it's still being written. But so far, I'm enjoying those sunny Sunday afternoons.
Suspense. The best of it is when you don't know what's gonna happen. When something keeps you on edge of your seat. This is a huge part of anyone's story. There's always the suspense of wanting to know what will happen next. Will you get the role you were offered? Will your thoughts given to the next big thing be the hottest? Life in general is one big suspense story. A constant "To be continued..." at the end of every chapter. Right now, I'm back on with ABDC for another season, wrapping myself in work again. But the pages are left blank, waiting to be filled. What fills them? I won't know, but from me to you, I can't wait to find out.
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